


Paired Comparison Experiment Notes, Trials 1-24

by Bitenomnom



Series: Mathematical Proof [40]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: (in case you couldn't tell), Anal Sex, Frottage, Handcuffs, M/M, Mathematics, Oral Sex, Sherlock Experiments on John, Sherlock makes tables, accidental sex-related injuries, awkwardly timed Anderson-mocking, awkwardly timed arse-pinching, awkwardly timed dirty talk, awkwardly timed footsie, awkwardly timed hand-holding, awkwardly timed handjob, awkwardly timed handshakes, awkwardly timed nipple-pinching, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-16
Updated: 2012-11-16
Packaged: 2017-11-18 19:32:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitenomnom/pseuds/Bitenomnom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trial 4: Subject extremely confused by sudden commencement of dirty talk after innocent game of footsie at breakfast, splashes tea on experimenter, refuses to specify preference.</p>
<p>Trial 14: Subject prefers handshake to pinching of arse, does not applaud experimenter’s creativity in utilizing organic situations to their fullest potential by coordinating handshaking procedure for magazine photograph with opportunity to test against buttocks-pinching variable. Quote, “<i>Stop pinching my arse, Sherlock!</i>” followed by, quote, “Please don’t print that in the interview.”</p>
<p>Continuation of <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/563526">The Paired Comparison Model</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paired Comparison Experiment Notes, Trials 1-24

**Author's Note:**

> Because four of you guys, not naming anyone in particular, are so PUSHY, I *sigh* ~~jumped on the chance to~~ conceded to your demands and ~~made up~~ decided to reveal the list referred to in [The Paired Comparison Model](http://archiveofourown.org/works/563526) to you. I doubt it lives up to your expectations...so to make up for it, I hope you'll accept all of the data Sherlock collected, plus his notes on the experiment. 
> 
> (Uh, I know in the first story the table went the other way, but it was sort of impossible to get it to a reasonable size like that, so I had to change the columns into rows. Sorry!)
> 
> I admit it, I actually wrote this and then crossed my fingers and hoped I could find some math we did today in class that would fit well enough. I was going to post it either way, but am glad to say I found some that works.

Null-additivity is the property of a set function for which the measure of the union of two sets, A and B, is equal to the measure of just set A, provided A and B don’t overlap and the measure of B is 0. In other words, if B by itself has a measure of 0, adding it in with A and then taking the measure of A with B added in won’t change the value of the measure of A. The null-additive set function can be extended from a ring _R_ to an algebra _A_ generated from the ring (proof not included, let me know if you want it).

The property of null additivity is more properly written like this:  
  
 _m_ ( _A_ U _B_ ) = _m_ ( _A_ )

for _A_ , _B_ ϵ _R_ , _A_ U _B_ = {empty set} and _m_ ( _B_ ) = 0.

(Conversely, a set function would not be null-additive if adding in something that has a measure of 0 by itself changes the value of the measure of A by itself to something else.)

 

***

 

**Experiment Notes for Paired Comparison Data Collection, Trials 1-24**  
 _Subject_ : John Watson  
 _Experimenter_ : Sherlock Holmes

_Experiment notes:_ Unless otherwise specified, “sex” of any kind is to occur on a bed.

_Experiment data:_

_Trial notes:_

Trial 1: Subject very confused, unable to specify preference.

Trial 2: Subject expresses strong preference for kissing.

Trial 3: Subject made uncomfortable by experimenter’s interpretation of “masculine,” prefers more traditional hugging.

Trial 4: Subject extremely confused by sudden commencement of dirty talk after innocent game of footsie at breakfast, splashes tea on experimenter, refuses to specify preference.

Trial 5: Subject prefers footsie to handshake, but suggests that this data is invalid due to awkwardness of handshake over table in the middle of dinner at a restaurant. Experimenter disagrees. Subject somewhat peeved about curry on sleeve as a result of forcefulness of handshake.

Trial 6: Subject prefers kissing on mouth to kissing on forehead, adds that experimenter is meant to be particularly flattered due to experimenter’s “bloody awful curry breath.”

Trial 7: Subject apparently “thought this was a sodding date, you arsehole;” prefers slapping to pinching of buttocks due to the former giving the subject justifiable reason to slap experimenter back for being a “heartless bastard.”

Trial 8: Subject unable to specify preference between restraint using subject’s striped tie and mutual mocking of Anderson; asks the experimenter whether he has “any idea how awkward this is” and if he might consider “at least trying to pick options that make sense together.”

Trial 9: Subject expresses “that’s more like it,” prefers forceful and repetitive rubbing against experimenter’s “bloody fantastic cock” to pinching of nipples; clarifies “but that doesn’t mean stop doing it.”

Trial 10: Subject prefers hand-holding to receiving manual sexual stimulation from experimenter, argues, “We’re at Scotland Yard!” Subject makes valid argument that premise of experiment specified that sex, unless stated otherwise, was to occur in a bed.

Trial 11: Once in bed, subject prefers receiving manual sexual stimulation to wry banter; repeats, “Shut up, Sherlock.”

Trial 12: Subject does not ask experimenter to shut up this time. Prefers usage of overtly sexual language to hugging but finds the combination slightly disconcerting. Clarifies, “For the love of god, though, Sherlock, if one of my patients dies and I seem upset about it, and you start whispering in my ear about my arse, I _will_ punch your lights out.”

Trial 13: Subject does punch experimenter’s lights out, but due merely to accident during experimental procedure. Subject and experimenter both note possible drawbacks to combination of excessive lubricant and excessive enthusiasm.

Trial 14: Subject prefers handshake to pinching of arse, does not applaud experimenter’s creativity in utilizing organic situations to their fullest potential by coordinating handshaking procedure for magazine photograph with opportunity to test against buttocks-pinching variable. Quote, “ _Stop pinching my arse, Sherlock_!” followed by, quote, “Please don’t print that in the interview.”

Trial 15: Subject does not believe it appropriate for experimenter to handcuff subject to Lestrade’s desk, grudgingly prefers apologetic masculinized hugging ritual, does not appreciate nearly enough that experimenter attempted to take into account public location of experimentation in deciding between this option and forehead-kissing.

Trial 16: Subject prefers sexual rubbing to kissing of forehead. Experimenter is not surprised, but also not displeased.

Trial 17: Experimenter attempts subject’s suggested “eight-and-thirteen” combination; subject is unable to specify a preference, possibly also unable to form valid sentence structures or even words in the English language.

Trial 18: Experimenter attempts to salvage lack of results in Trial 17, is unable to separate reactions to one variable from reactions to other.

Trial 19: Subject attempts to salvage lack of results in Trials 17 and 18, does not appreciate experimenter’s insistence that two variables must be tested or subsequent attempts at playing footsie.

Trial 20: Subject does not appreciate shift from thorough verbal analysis of post-coital physical state to attempt to instigate mutual mocking of Anderson, kicks experimenter very hard in the shins, demands experimenter “go back to the bit about how you can still taste me.”

Trial 21: Subject points out that experimenter’s language has shifted in tone to a more sexual nature as the description has continued, notes that he “likes where this is going.”

Trial 22: Subject suggests he “might be up for more” but requires sustenance first, experimenter notes this and takes advantage of location shift. Subject notes the difficulty of consuming food “when you keep getting in my way” as experimenter attempts to pinch subject’s nipples. Subject vastly prefers lying on kitchen table, eating sandwich, receiving manual stimulation. Quote, “I can’t believe this is my life.”

Trial 23: Subject prefers receiving oral sex on kitchen table to hand-holding; insists, “You could really be doing something more useful with that right now,” through mouthful of sandwich.

Trial 24: Experimenter assumes subject is referring to preparation for additional trial in experiment, retrieves lubricant and condom and utilizes hands toward ensuring maximal comfort of imminent anal sex. Subject expresses confusion (quote, “What the hell are you doing?”), followed by anger (quote, “Let me finish my goddamned sandwich first, you arsehole!”), followed by exasperation (quote, “No, Sherlock, that wasn’t funny. Yes, I get it, you _think_ it should be funny because your fingers are in my arsehole.”), followed by additional confusion (quote, “God, that’s weird.”), followed by enjoyment, (quote, “Oh, _fuck_!”), followed by further intermittent enjoyment and confusion throughout the experiment process proper, averaging, if the experimenter is correct, to general enjoyment.

Subject then forgets that experiment requires _two_ trials in order to determine a preference; experimenter forgets particular comment previously made by subject; experimenter attempts to instigate mutual mocking of Anderson post-coitus. Subject is unable to retrieve gun and fulfill original threat, but does dump remainder of this morning’s still rather hot tea on particular regions of experimenter’s nude body.

Subject points out, “You don’t even _have_ a column for fucking me up the arse on the kitchen table!”

Subject calls off experiment.

Subject demands experimenter meet subject in bed, naked, promptly at ten p.m. tonight, to be handcuffed to headboard and “given a taste of your own medicine, you dirty, lying git.”

Experimenter suspects eight and eleven are his “eight and thirteen.”


End file.
